Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Tiger Woods: the serial cheater?

Jamie Jungers Bad Tiger. Bad, bad, bad Tiger. Bastard tiger. Bastard, bastard, bastard…

But does Tiger Woods really look like a nasty bastard to you? Well, not by a long shot! I mean you couldn’t come up with a more polished and wholesome looking dude than the affable Tiger Woods. So what went wrong with the guy?

Well that’s just it. Nothing, really. Nothing went wrong. It’s not that Woods is a bastard - it’s just that he can’t help himself; i.e. he’s basically hard wired to cheat. It doesn’t matter that he’s married to one hell of a sexy lady – a Swedish model for God’s sake – the fact is Tiger’s gonads have been programmed to multiply – and that’s what they’re gonna do!

This is what made Tiger, and what made him the World’s greatest ever golfer; it’s called narcissism, being in love with yourself, and having the energy and commitment to being the best at what you do.

Poor old Tiger. It wasn’t really a choice that was his to make. It was programmed into him a long long time ago.

You might as well blame his parents instead.

Tiger's "scorecard" so far

1.) Rachel Uchitel. Club hostess who linked up with Woods during a golf tournament in Australia. So far, she has denied the affair.

2.) Jamie Grubbs. 24-year-old reality show contestant and cocktail waitress. Claims to have a voicemail to prove there was something between the two.

3.) Kalika Moquin. 27-year-old club manager from Las Vegas reportedly had a brief tryst with the Tiger. She has neither confirmed or denied the reports.

4.) Cori Rist. This 31-year-old swimsuit model was reportedly “flown out” to secret locations for “hook ups”.

5.) Jamie Jungers (pictured). The 26-year-old is a former employee of Trashy Girls Lingerie. She now has a trashy tale to tell.

6.) Mindy Lawton. 33-year-old pancake house waitress from Orlando. I bet she flipped a few things with old Tiger!

7.) Holly Sampson. The inevitable former porn star – must be great in the sack! - who starred in such great films as “OMG, Stop Tickling Me” and “Flying Solo 2.”

8.) Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 8. A former cocktail waitress from Orlando.

9.) Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 9 is reported to be a “sexy” British TV presenter who was single at the time, but is now married (I bet her husband’s chuffed. NOT.)

10.) Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 10. is reported in a UK paper to be a “sex-addicted cougar.”


wankongyew said...

Someone linked to this Wikipedia article in a discussion about Mr. Woods in a forum I frequent:


Since Mr. Woods is legendary for his inhumanly strenuous training regimen and unmatched willpower to excel in his chosen field, we theorize that his womanizing ways might well be what constantly replenishes his reserve of willpower, allowing him to devote all of his concentration to golf.

Or in cruder words, Woods' golfing skilled are fueled by an endless supply of pussy.